You can definitely be forgiven for never having heard of a funeral celebrant. To be honest I hadn’t myself until a few years ago when someone I had known of old popped up on one of my social media feeds announcing their new position. But even then it didn’t really register what the role of a civil celebrant actually was, until I attended a number of funerals in short succession and the approaches were quite different on each occasion.
The different approaches to funeral services
Then it registered that some services were prepared and delivered from a religious standpoint and led by a Minister. Others appeared to be led by someone who wasn’t connected to the church, and the services didn’t really reference religion at all, other than maybe offering the congregation the choice to recite the Lords Prayer towards the end. The rest – actually the minority – didn’t include any religious references, centring on celebrating the life of the person who had died and paying tribute to what they had contributed to the world, and although some were described as ‘humanist’ services, not all were.
Who decides who leads the funeral service?
So I then was left wondering who makes the decision about which type of service, or at least which person leads the service, and therefore the approach they’ll take? Is it the Funeral Director, is it the crematorium or cemetery, does it depend on the setting? I learned that actually it’s entirely down to the deceased, or their family. It’s entirely a personal choice.
If the cremation or burial is being arranged by a Funeral Service they will take the family’s instructions about the type of service they would prefer, and then either make a recommendation as to who could lead it, based on their vast experience, or of course the family may wish to nominate the person they have already chosen – in this case the service would be timed to ensure that they can be available. Since training as an independent civil funeral celebrant my eyes have been opened to the options available to families which, I have to confess, I really had no idea about before.
What does a civil funeral celebrant do?
I should imagine the role of civil (or ‘independent’) funeral celebrant is very much as I’ve found it myself. Once the Funeral Director has been in touch to confirm my availability I arrange to meet with members of the family or next of kin of the deceased, at a time and place that’s most convenient for them. Before we meet, the family has usually talked through the type of service they want me to lead on their behalf, and the various elements they want to include in the service including music, poetry, readings, and whether any member of the family group wishes to speak, or to prepare something for me to read for them. We talk this through, and where the family needs ideas, or more time to think it through, this will always be made available to them. My aim is always to prepare and deliver the service exactly as they had imagined it would be, whether the person who has died has provided instructions or the family or next of kin have made those decisions on their behalf.
During this family meeting we’ll also talk a lot about the person they have lost, collecting together fond memories, achievements, important occasions and stories that really portray the person they were. I’ll then prepare the service, entirely reflecting the wishes and values of the family, and this will usually involve writing a eulogy which celebrates and pays tribute to the person they have lost. No one story is ever the same, I have learned about so many people’s interesting lives, the journeys they have travelled and the difference they have made in their lifetime.
When the day of the service comes, I always arrive well before the family, making a final check that everything is perfect before the service starts. Having then led the service exactly as we have planned, I hand a keepsake copy of the eulogy, and any tributes that have been read during the service, to the family, so they can reflect on what has been said again, whenever they are ready to do so.
What a privilege and honour it is to have the opportunity to fulfil the role of civil funeral celebrant, to support families as they prepare to remember, pay tribute to, and say goodbye to the person they have lost. For me, what’s so important is that people know they have a choice.
Jayne Graham MBE, Independent Funeral Celebrant
